Making the Best

The other day a friend said to me it’s good to make the best of a bad situation.  My first instinct was simply to say “for sure”.  But, while on one level I agreed something in me said – wait a minute.

I know we sort of promote this idea of making the best – grinning and bearing it, making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, and so on – even when (perhaps especially) we don’t like a situation.  And certainly whatever the situation is – it’s already here.  So why not make the best of it?

Why not simply agree?  If the unpleasant circumstance is already here – there is no way of getting around it.  But, a part of me knew that this was not all that was here.  My feeling uncomfortable with the situation – that was also real.  Could I go along with what was happening and still be authentic?  And what about other realities: my respect for the other people involved, prior agreements, and so on?  A multitude of realities – all present in that one moment.  So what to do?

To be honest with myself (and others) I have to wrestle with these realities; I need a response that reflects the situation from all of my perspectives. I can no longer go along with a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable – simply put a smile on my face and make the best of things.

So what are my options?  Well, in this situation, where I was simply having a conversation with a friend, I just had to speak up.  I needed to express my reservations to be authentic.  Speaking up lead to a new understanding of what I was struggling with.  

Yes, at times all I can do in the moment is to make the best of it.  But an authentic relationship needs an honest foundation.  I need to let others know when I am not totally comfortable with what is happening.  Being aware of my response and being willing to communicate that in the moment is, for me, a more authentic way of being.  When such a message comes from my heart I know it will be respectful of others and trust it will strengthen our relationships.

Another response is to consider how I came to be in this uncomfortable place.  Reflecting on this may enlighten me about how to avoid similar situations in the future.  What thoughts, emotions or feelings lead me to agree?  How can I be more aware in the future?  Is this something that I need to say “No” to?  If so, what will alert me to this?

Or, is there a way that the experience can be changed?  What might that change look like?  Can I be the source of this positive shift?

Lots to reflect on!  And yet, I realize that it is much like the familiar serenity prayer.  It’s the courage and wisdom I’m working on.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

I’d be delighted to hear your response to this!