Interesting – living out of a suitcase. With only a couple of bags that we’ll take with us when we leave, life has become much simpler. The decisions about what to wear, for instance, are limited. We have something for cool weather, something for warmer weather, and, of course, a water-proof jacket for the rain. Our menu choices are determined by using up what we had left in our cupboards, and freezer. I am experiencing in a very concrete way how much of our time is taken up with our “stuff”! Never before have I realized quite so clearly just how much time I had spent looking after things.
Also, with our lives being a bit topsy-turvy I have found it necessary to curtail my personal interests and be here more consistently with Abe. This may change as we settle in, but for now, most of my usual activities are on hold. So, again, I have more time. Of course, I knew that activities take time, but I love to be active, and don’t plan for a lot of “down time”. But how precious time is!As I open to this gift of time and allow myself to simply relax into the present reality, I am becoming much more aware of the subtle nuances of my day-to-day life. For example, my relationship with Abe – of course it is my intent to be supportive of him in his journey. But what does that mean?
Where is the boundary between support and interference? Between helping and undermining? When should I step in and provide a word or thought he can’t find and when should I allow him to find it himself? And does it change with the circumstances? What if there are others present? What if they don’t understand how hard he is trying?
What is my motivation? Am I speaking up to protect and support Abe or to avoid my own embarrassment? And, after almost 50 years together, where is the difference? When is it about my own frustration, impatience and pain?Of course there is no simple answer to these questions. But I’m finding it good simply to be present in the moment. To just notice when I do step in and when I don’t. To be aware of emotions – mine, Abe’s and others – as things unfold. To just see what happens. To consider my actions and the reactions that result in light of my intentions.
I know I have a tendency to “help out” and that’s not always “helpful”. I also know that there is no way to get the right balance all the time. But I hope as I become more present and open to Our Dance I will learn to be more supportive – in the most genuine and helpful way possible. Not just my intentions, but in my day-to-day actions.